Wal-Mart to Run for President of U.S.

(satire) San Francisco, CA., August 19, 2004 -- On Wednesday, September 1, the Wal-Mart corporation will officially declare its write-in candidacy for President of the United States. Wal-Mart will also attempt to garner the nomination of the Natural Persons Party that evening at the party's convention, an event titled, "A Little Rebellion" being held at Studio Z in San Francisco.

A Web site has been launched in support of WalMart's campaign at http://www.votewalmart.com.

When asked what prompted its last-minute, write-in candidacy, Wal-Mart replied, "Many people don't realize that, as a corporation, I have the legal status of an individual person. I meet all the other requirements, as well, and I've got a multi-billion dollar war chest. And none of the other candidates have low prices every day, like I do." The corporation continued, "I've donated more money to this year's federal campaigns than any other corporation. It makes sense to eliminate the middle man, run for president, myself, and simultaneously cut costs and increase profits."

A spokesperson for the Natural Persons Party (NPP) reacted to the news by saying, "The Natural Persons Party does not recognize Wal-Mart as a person, despite what it says in California's corporate code and multiple Supreme Court decisions." She added, "We welcome Wal-Mart to attend A Little Rebellion at 8:00 PM on September 1 at Studio Z in San Francisco, especially since the corporation is over 21 years old. At that time we'll let the REAL natural persons decide if they will lend legitimacy to the doctrine of corporate personhood, or if they're ready to reclaim their democracy from corporate domination while having a great time partying and listening to live music. People will just have to attend the event to see what happens."

Should the natural people grant Wal-Mart the nomination, analysts expect the corporation's stock to rise.

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Note: while the Wal-Mart candidacy is satire, A Little Rebellion is very real, "Wal-Mart" will be there, and the partiers will vote on its nomination.